Connecting with other people brings infinite rewards. And wether its landing a job, winning the promotion, gaining the sale, charming a new partner, electrifying your audienceor passing inspections by future in-laws, if people like you, the welcome mat is out and a connection is yours for the making. Other people are your greatest resource. They give birth to you; they feed you, dress you, provide you with money, make you laugh and cry; they comfort you, heal you, invest your money, service your car and bury you. We can’t live without them. We can’t even die without them. Connecting is what our ancestors were doing thousands
of years ago when they gathered around the fire to eat woolly mammoth steaks or stitch together the latest
animal-hide fashions. It’s what we do when we hold quilting bees, golf tournaments, conferences and yard
sales; it underlies our cultural rituals from the serious to the frivolous, from weddings and funerals to Barbie Doll conventions and spaghetti-eating contests.
Even the most antisocial of artists and poets who spend long, cranky months painting in a studio or composing in a cubicle off their bedroom are usually hoping that through their creations they will eventually connect with the public. And connection lies at the very heart of those three pillars of our democratic civilization: government, religion and television. Yes, television. Given that you can discuss Friends or The X-Files with folks from Berlin to Brisbane, a case must be made for the tube’s ability to help people connect all over the globe. Thousands of people impact all aspects of our lives, be it the weatherman at the TV studio in a neighboring city, or the technician at a phone company across the continent,
or the woman in Tobago who picks the mangoes for your fruit salad. Every day, wittingly or unwittingly, we make a myriad of connections with people around the world.
The Benefits of Connecting
Our personal growth and evolution (and the evolution of societies) come about as a result of connecting
with our fellow humans, whether as a band of young warriors setting out on a hunt or as a group of coworkers heading out to the local pizzeria after work on Friday. As a species, we are instinctively driven to come together and form groups of friends, associations and
communities. Without them, we cannot exist.
Making connections is what our gray matter does best. It receives information from our senses and processes it by making associations. The brain delights in and learns from these associations. It grows and flourishes when it’s making connections. People do the same thing. It’s a scientific fact that
people who connect live longer. In their gem of a book, Keep Your Brain Alive, Lawrence Katz and Manning Rubin quote studies by the McArthur Foundation and the International Longevity Center in New York and at the University of Southern California. These studies show that people who stay socially and physically active have longer life spans. This doesn’t mean hanging out with the same old crowd and peddling around on an exercise bike. It means getting out and making new friends. When you make new connections in the outside
world, you make new connections in the inside world—in your brain. This keeps you young and alert. Edward M. Hallowell, in his very savvy book Connect, cites the 1979 Alameda County Study by Dr. Lisa Berkman of the Harvard School of Health Sciences. Dr. Berkman and her team carefully looked at 7,000 people, aged 35 to 65, over a period of nine years. Their study concluded that people who lack social and community ties are almost three times more likely to die of medical illness than those who have more extensive contacts. And all this is independent of socioeconomic status and health practices
such as smoking, alcoholic beverage consumption, obesity or physical activity! Other people can also help you take care of your needs and desires. Whatever it is you’d like in this life—romance, a dream job, a ticket to the Rose Bowl—the chances are pretty high that you’ll need someone’s help to get it. If people like you, they will be disposed to give you their time and their efforts. And the better the quality of rapport you have with them, the higher the level of their cooperation.
